Compared to Mother’s Day, Father’s Day plays a second fiddle in the orchestra of special days. Some years ago, I read that Hallmark Cards—founded in 1910—offered free Mother’s Day cards to prisoners. It was a raging success, with many inmates sending cards to their mothers. Assuming the offer for Father’s Day would be welcomed by men serving time, Hallmark did so again. Very few men took Hallmark up on the opportunity. Sad. Very sad.
What is more depressing is that this is not a surprise in America. In many quarters, fatherhood does not hold the same respect as motherhood. Today, fatherlessness is alarmingly high across racial lines. Among white mothers with white fathers, the rate of single motherhood is a stunning 38 percent. For black mothers with black fathers, the rate is a jaw-dropping 59 percent. And for context, black Americans—only 15.2 percent of the total American population of 340 million—are 2.8 times more likely than white Americans to be imprisoned at some point in their lives. Indeed, black men, who comprise 33.7 percent of male prisoners, are six times more likely than white men to be incarcerated in their lifetimes. Put another way, the black incarceration rate is 570 per 100,000 adults, compared to 170 per 100,000 for white adults.
Some claim this is a racial matter. In fact, for both white and black prisoners, it’s a Father’s Day problem. Is it any surprise that all male prisoners weren’t particularly motivated to send a Father’s Day card to their dads, assuming they even knew their father? Just like black men without a father in their lives, white men are similarly vexed. Dad’s matter. And sons deprived of them are disadvantaged in significant ways.
I have written lately on how the far left radicals—the same half-witted people who could label “mothers” as “gestating people”—accuse men of “toxic masculinity.” They utterly have no appreciation of how a full-time father in the life of boys and young men positively conditions them for success in life. Men are needed to raise good men.
That doesn’t happen by magic. It happens when fathers impress upon their sons the importance of strength controlled by goodness. That doesn’t translate to “macho” men, but rather men who exhibit moral strength and integrity. Men who do things the right way when no one is looking. Men who respect women, understand the significance of long-term marriage, and the necessity of strong families for society at large.
I was fortunate—like many of you—to have a strong father. My dad was not perfect. But he loved me, understood he had a role to play in shaping manhood for me, and knew that his place was not to be my “buddy,” but rather model manhood in a responsible manner. He did. And I certainly have made the effort to do that for my sons, both of whom are fine men to this day.
Unfortunately, responsible fatherhood in America today is in rapid decline. There are many factors. Moral decay. Hedonism. Rejection of a biblical worldview. Social media amounts to intellectual pornography, polluting the attitudes and rhetoric of just about everyone who falls under its influence. It takes a very committed father these days to raise boys to be strong men in every sense of the world.
Yet men deprived of strong fathers nonetheless yearn for them. In my years as a soldier, I witnessed how fatherless young men had as their first father figure their drill sergeant, who took a firm and personal interest in their success as young soldiers. Contrary to popular belief, Army drill sergeants did not try to “wash people out” of the service. To the contrary, they saw success as bringing those young men along and putting them on the road to achievement. Indeed, rarely will you meet a former soldier who cannot immediately recall the name of his drill sergeant. Whether they had good fathers or none at all, those young men knew that their drill sergeant wanted them to be as manly and strong as any good father would want them to be.
I’m not suggesting that fathers become parade field task masters, although there is a role for exacting standards for young boys that fathers should provide. But I am saying that it is vitally important for fathers to be, well, strong influencers and examples in the lives of their sons.
How is that done? Loving them. Caring for them. Letting them know that you see in them a man who will not only be good, but is ready to pass on to their sons the values that are needed to sustain strong men in our society.
This Father’s Day, don’t bother with a card. Show dad the good man you are. That’s enough for Father’s Day.
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